I'm up late tonight because I can't sleep.  I try not to wear my emotions on my shoulder, but it is really hard.

I have been so consumed with Elly walking, that I have not been paying attention to any of her other milestones. My life is crazy. I'm a stay-at-home mom most days are filled with alphabets, numbers, shapes, dishes, diapers, and a shower every now and then. I'm so busy that it is easy to let things slip through the cracks without noticing.  Lately I have been deligently teaching  my oldest how to count, ride a bike, and discover the world in general, that I wonder if I have neglected to notice that Elly's vocabulary isn't expanding rapidly.  In general I am not the type of mom that keeps a log of milestone moments, even though I probably should. I try to make sure that both of my children are properly stimulated throughout the day incorporating both structured and free play, but maybe I'm just not doing enough.

I am a concerned parent, but sometimes I can become a little paranoid.  I guess it comes with the territory.  I wonder....

Should I have read the book they gave me at the genetics lab while I was still pregnant?
Should I have reached out to the Spina Bifida Association sooner?
Should I ask more questions? Should I have asked more questions in the past?
Should I seek a second opinion?
Am I stimulating her enough? Have I bought the right toys?
Should I plug myself into the Spina Bifida community more?

I don't know what I could have done to prepare me for the journey that my family is on right now. I know we don't have worst of it and  I try not think about the should've, could've, would've, but it is so hard.  I want to be hands on with my daughter development but I don't want to coddle her to much.  Distinguishing when to be call the doctor and when to become the doctor is hard.

The whole reason that I am up tonight is because my husband brought to my attention that Elly really isn't talking much.  She says 'Da-da' and a version of the word Up, but that's pretty much it. She definitely isn't quiet by nature, especially when it comes to fighting with hersister, but the words aren't just flowing like I would like to see them.  I know she understands when I say 'No' or 'Stop,' and she is obedient most of the time, but something just doesn't seem right. 

Is it my fault, am I not reading to her enough?
Am I not encouraging her to communicate to me what she needs, rather than assuming and doing?

So many questions once again, will they ever stop or will I always be questioning.   When should I be worried?  I mean she is only 15 months, but it seems like she should be doing much more than she is doing right now.

Najeema, Confused Mom