Elly's Born Day

Not everything that I write on here is going to be pretty, but it will be truthful. 

"I went through the labor pains but I didn't go through the pushing.....I just woke up and my belly was flatter and I was told she was healthy and in the NICU."

That was one of the first things I wrote after going through a C-Section with Elly.  It was only the beginning of the deepest depression that I have ever felt in my life.  For quite a while I was very disconnected from my newborn.  This time around was different, if you didn't know Elly has an older sister.  I guess its something through the pushing process, and feeling something so great come out of you, a tiny human that grew inside you for nine months and you alone bring them into the world.

A C-Section was the last possible option that we wanted.  I went into the hospital for my scheduled induction and it didn't necessarily go as planned. It took far to long for me to dilate and after hours of  holding on to my goal of another natural birth, it was taken away in an instant.  Ellys' heart rate was unstable, every-time I had contraction it decreased significantly.  We tried everything to change this.  I knelt face forward against the hospital bed, rotated side to side, they even gave me something to relieve the pressure.  Nothing worked.  Ellys' heart rate dropped suddenly, doctors and nurses flooded my room. I was scared, I know my composed husband had to be scared.  I only had a few moments to say a quick prayer with my spiritual mother over the phone, then I was wheeled away swiftly.  I could only do what I was trained to do all my life, call on the name of Jesus.  "Lord protect me. Lord touch the hands of the doctors" is the last thing I can remember before things got groggy and I was knocked out.  I could still here what was going on around me a little bit, but I was completely incapacitated. 

There was this nurse...to date, I can't remember her name, but she held my hand through the entire operation.  She squeezed it at just the right moments to let me know that everything was going to be alright.  I believe that God sends just the right people at just the right time and knows exactly what you need in the moment.

My faith has carried me through these hard months, it is the only thing that brought me out of the depth of depression.  I have my moments from time to time where I doubt all that God has done for us, but then I am reminded of the blessing that I  have been given in the form of Elly, our Joy. 

Najeema